Healing the Blind Spots

Have you ever been in a situation for a prolonged period of time, then come out of it only to be left with residual effects? 

Well, I've had the realization this week that that is what I'm dealing with, and I'm finally able to let go.  It also tells me just how unhealthy things were for me for so long.

My husband and I worked in an environment overseas that was very competitive, and not in a healthy way.  Sad, because there was no reason for it to be, but there it is.  I'm not sure why it was, but there was a need for those we worked with in our region to compete and vie for positions.  T and I didn't think like that, so it was disheartening to have it happen.  We just wanted to put our heads down and do our work.  We didn't want to be part of the politics.  In my opinion, people who do their work from the standpoint of personal agendas are not people I want to work with.  There is always a questioning of motives, or an inability to speak freely because of others who want to discredit or take credit for the work.

It wasn't the recognition that we wanted.  T and I both are background people.  We don't like the spotlight, and would rather someone else take it.  It was more about stealing.  The stealing of ideas to present as their own, the stealing of words (hearing your own words coming out of someone else's mouth), or even the stealing of joy.  I was glad to be rid of it all when the time came.  I figured those people, the ones who behaved in this way, deserved each other.  I'm not sure what goes on now, but I can imagine things eventually get very lonely, because you can only undermine those close to you for so long before people get sick of it.  I imagine there are many serial friendships rather than long-lasting deep friendships. 

But I realized lately that the actions of those few had a great impact on me.  I became hypersensitive to making sure credit was given where credit was due.  And I was probably a bit too harsh with folks who tried to steal the spotlight from someone else, instead of letting them enjoy their moment.  (Harsh in my mind and my opinion of them, not openly)

I've had the privilege the last few years of working with people who are selfless, who don't care about the spotlight.  Their "Do Whatever It Takes" attitudes have no egos.  They may get accolades, they may not.  It doesn't matter.  It's the kind of attitude I had when I first went overseas...before I became jaded.  It's sad that I found that in secular work.

But now, I'm OK with those needing to take credit that isn't theirs.  I realize they must need it, and it really doesn't matter to me. It's a little sad to me, but I'm at a healthier point in my life and can truthfully say that if someone needs the spotlight, I'm OK if they take it.  I'll still give credit where credit is due, because that's fair.

And in the end, as I'm coming to realize, it's all fair.  The good and the bad of it.  Because eventually each person gets the credit they deserve. For the right reasons.